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It’s been a while hasn’t it?

Buckle in kids cause this post is gonna catch you all up on whats happened in my life since my last post.

First and formost, in fact, the main thing really,

I got diagnosed with Depression around June the 8thish, on the 7th of June I had what you might call a mini breakdown, so I went to the Dr the following day and she told me that I more than likely had depression. From there on in for a few weeks my state of mind was far from what one would call healthy. I thought about suicide many times during this period, thankfully I have an amazing family and some pretty good friends (and by this time, an incredibly helpful psychiatrist and Dr) so I got through the initial coming to terms with it period.

After a while of steady decline my Dr and psychiatrist decided that it was time to send in some chemical help to fix the problem, so I got put on to some happy pills, after a few weeks of upsurge I had a couple days of absolute misery and pain, so it was on to another medication, the week that I changed pills for the first time was amazingly hard and frought with darkness,  lucky my mother was able to take some time of to help me through it.

My mood improved a little over a couple of weeks and then, one night when a party was thrown by my parents for one thing or another, my mood plumeted, the tears ran down my face in front of about 20 people. the darkness was winning, (and not the I-belive-in-a-thing-called-love darkness either 😉 ) I honestly consider that night to be the closest I have ever come to harming myself. As a result of that night, I got put on to another medication, within one week I was already feeling like the fog was lifting, I was begining to feel amazing, I can’t really describe that feeling.

So fast foward 5 weeks and here I am, still with a long road ahead but now I can see the sun and smile.

I am not completly over it, currently the nights are the hardest as I can’nt control what my subconscious drags into my dreams and nightmares. However, I am managing, day by day, week by week.

Part of me thinks that it will be something that follows me most of my life, all I can do is roll with the punches.

So you may be wondering why am I posting this?

Really to get it of my chest and out there, maybe even to give hope to other sufferers of the darkness currently having a rough time.

I have more, but I need to build the confidence to say it, even now, as I type this, my hands are shaking like crazy.


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